Who We Are: Ch 9

Title: Who We Are
Author: allisongriffinswan / maiqu20
RatingT for now
Word Count: 8,580 (66,906)
Pairing: Bellarke
Read: FF.net / AO3 / Tumblr
Story Tag: Tumblr

Summary: Wrong information and misunderstandings can break even the strongest of couples. Bellamy and Clarke had a relationship back on the ark until one day it all stopped. Now it’s a year later and they are on the ground trying to figure out where they stand with each other, what really happened and how in the world are they going to protect the rest of the 100 from the threats of the earth and the threats from the arc.

AN: I’m not even going to apologize because we all know by now I’m getting sucky at updating when I should and no words can describe how sorry I am about that… Honestly I’ve just had a lot of personal problems (my grandpa has been in and out of the hospital since Christmas) among a shit of other stuff (and the holidays) that led to me being blocked with this fic.As always this couldn’t be possible without the amazing Kate

Ch 9

“Sinclair found a way,” Abby mentioned in lieu of greeting as she entered Marcus’ apartment.
“Hello to you too, what do you mean Sinclair found a way?” Kane asked.
“I was looking through old Clarke videos when I found one of an old unity day parade. It was when Wells and Clarke were little kids and they were asking Thelonious about the Ark.”
“Okay, go on.”
“The thrusters Marcus, they are what is keeping us floating, so I had Jackson deliver the news to Sinclair. He’s going to figure out which stations would survive the drop.”
“That’s good news right?”
“Yeah, it means we’re on the right track.”

“So why the long face?”

“Thelonious tried to get Clarke to talk to me but she refused…which led to me looking up old videos.”

“I’m sorry Abby, if it brings you any calm she seemed to be doing well when I talked to her,” Kane said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“That does help, thank you. I kind of can’t believe you’ve talked to my daughter more in the recent days than I have in over a year.”

“She’s a good leader; you should be very proud of her. Although I have a feeling she’s not the only leader.”

“I am proud of her. Very proud of her,” Abby muttered mostly to herself. She was very proud of the way Clarke had grown up.

“You should be, and I think she’ll be proud of you as well.”

“I hope so…” she said, then recalled his other comment.

“-Wait, what did you mean by she’s not the only leader?” Abby asked as that detail had gotten stuck in her head.

“Just a few comments here and there, not just from Clarke but from some of the rest.”

“You think Bellamy Blake is involved,” Abby stated and Kane nodded.

“I think they are keeping it hush hush for appearance sake.”

“Appearance sake?” Abby asked.

“In front of the council at least. It looks better if the 100 are being led by your daughter rather than the guy who shot the chancellor.”

“You might have a point- any news on the 100?”

“I told Clarke about a supply depot that should have survived, so hopefully they will find something there.”

“Let’s hope so.”

-*-*-

Kane had told her of an old supply depot that was a few miles from here. It was a day trip and she knew just the person to ask. Bellamy had been acting strange whenever the ark was brought up and she knew he was restless so a trip would fit him quite nicely.

“Bellamy,” Clarke said as she into the dropship.

“The answer is still no, I’m not talking to Jaha,” Bellamy told her as he came down the stairs. He had been on grounder watch now that his wound was a bit more healed. The wound healing had its pros and cons; he was able to do more work but Clarke kept nagging about talking to Jaha. He still had no idea what to do about that, the Ark would definitely kill him when they came down.

“I’m not here for that,” Clarke responded.

“Oh really?” Bellamy asked, smirking a little but she just rolled her eyes.

“I just thought you’d want to accompany me on a little trip I have to take. I mean, you have been saying you wanted to leave camp right?” she asked, looking at him with an innocent look. “If you don’t want to I’m sure I could find someone else to come with me.”

“Don’t you dare princess,” he said catching up to her. “Where are we going?”

“The Ark found some old records that show a supply depot not too far from here.”

“What kind of supplies?”

“The kind that could help us survive winter. I’m gonna go check it out.

You can come with me or you can stay and complain about not doing anything.”

“I’ll get my stuff and I’ll see you in ten,” Bellamy stated giving her a kiss on the cheek. A day trip, maybe he could hide in the bunker or something, live away from camp so as to not give Jaha the satisfaction of seeing him killed or locked up. He was going to need a lot of rations. He doesn’t know if he could leave his girls. Could he really do it? Leave everything behind?

-*-*-

Gabriel Olivier didn’t venture out of his apartment a lot. Normally people came to him instead of him going to them, and whenever he needed something he had it delivered by one of his people. Dr. Abigail Griffin knew this better than anyone so it was quite a shock to see him standing there as she reached her apartment.

“What are you doing here?”  Abby asked.

“Is that a way to greet your father?” he asked as Abby opened the door and they went inside.

“So to what do I owe this honor?” Abby said sarcastically.

“What? I can’t come to see my only daughter?”

“You have an ulterior motive for everything.”

“That’s true… I found out something and I figured it would be best to tell you in person rather than by a third party.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I heard that Diana’s group is making their move on Unity Day.”

“That’s a few days from now…we don’t know what their move is?”

“As much as I’ve tried to figure it out, no one is talking.”

“So we’re back at square one?”

“Not quite. I thought of something that might be a bit far fetched but it could help, plus we’ve got the exodus ship ready, right?”

“Yeah, it should be ready in a day or two.”

“That’s good.”

“What’s your far-fetched plan?” Abby asked, worried.

“Bellamy Blake,” Gabriel told her.

“What about him?” Abby wondered.

“He’s a kid, at most early 20s right?”

“Yeah, why?” Abby asked, not knowing why he was asking about her daughter’s boyfriend.

“I know you never met him, but I trust that you trust your daughter and husband’s judgment.”

“Get to the point,” Abby said, exasperated at the constant questions.

“I know you’ve thought about it before, the guy isn’t exactly what you’d call a cold blooded killer and where would he even get a gun, I mean he was a janitor for crying out loud…”

“You think someone gave him the gun and the kill order.” Abby commented.

“Bingo. And I’d bet my life on it being Diana… We just need to find out who the middle man is,” Gabriel told her.

“How do you suppose we do that?”

“Talking to him. It’s not that hard you know just use your words,” Gabriel remarked, earning a glare from his daughter.

“If my own daughter won’t talk to me what makes you think her boyfriend will?”

“My role was telling you my news, it’s up to you and Marcus to see how you deal with it,” Gabriel said, opening the door and leaving the room. As soon as the door closed she sat on the chair and put her hands on her head. What was she going to do?

-*-*-

“You’re avoiding your dad aren’t you?” Raven wondered.

“What? No, of course not,” Wells stated but Raven just quirked her eyebrow a bit. “Okay so what if I am?”

“Hey, no judgment, but damn, you Phoenix kids have a lot of parental issues. I don’t know who’s worse at the avoiding game- you or Clarke,” Raven asked.

They looked at each other and both said the name at the same time, “Clarke.”

“Yeah well my reasons are valid too, sort of.”

“I love Abby, but I think Clarke wins this round,” Raven pointed out.

“Yeah, I don’t know how she deals with it,” Wells muttered, thinking about the situation with his best friend and her mother.

“Probably by having sex with Bellamy,” Raven responded and he looked at her. “Hey, you asked!”

“I don’t think they’ve had sex recently,” Wells said.

“They had sex on her birthday. Other than that I think she’s still scared to pull at his stitches,” she told him and saw him nod then grimace. Making Wells uncomfortable always made her laugh a bit.

“That’s very probable, but why are we talking about my best friend’s sex life?” Wells complained.

“It makes you uncomfortable?” Raven ventured.

“A little bit, yeah,” Wells mentioned as she laughed.

“I think I’d do the same thing, use my boyfriend to ignore my parental drama. Hell, I have been doing that most my life,” Raven admitted in a low tone.

“How are you by the way?” Wells asked honestly.

“I know you heard the fight, Jaha,” Raven told him. Everyone had probably heard the fight.

“Want to talk about it?”

“With you?”

“I know we’re not exactly friends, but sometimes it helps to talk to someone who is separated from the situation,” Wells stated, and after a moment of thinking about it she sat down as Wells sat down next to her.

“I just… It’s just… I thought this would be different. I mean, I knew it would be different down here, but I didn’t think it would change this much,” Raven started. “I don’t know if I’m even making sense. He’s different down here, I’m different down here, but I thought…”

“You could still be the Finn and Raven of the Ark,” Wells said, finishing her thought.

“Something like that. You ever feel like a relationship that worked in the Ark just doesn’t seem to work down here?”

“I used to believe that about Clarke and I.”

“Really?” she asked, surprised because from what she had seen Wells and Clarke’s friendship was pretty solid.

“Our first days here were really tough and while Clarke and Bellamy weren’t together I could feel how much she cared about him. Personally, I just thought he was a douche,” Wells said causing Raven to laugh. “Seriously, you weren’t here the first few days. He was a self-serving, power-hungry, douchebag and I didn’t get what was so special about him.”

“Wait- they weren’t together?” Raven asked. She couldn’t think of the couple not being together.

“They were kind of broken up. From what I understand from the things Clarke has said, someone made it so Bellamy believed Clarke was partly at fault for Octavia being found out and from her side, Clarke was led to believe that Bellamy didn’t care and that’s why he never visited her.”

“That’s messed up.”

“It is. Well, like I said everything was messed up and I didn’t get why Clarke wanted a relationship with that guy. I tried to make things better between us but I just kept putting my foot in my mouth.”

“Wait- you two weren’t friends either? What happened in the first days?”

“You don’t want to know…She believed that I was the one that turned in her father.”

“And you let her believe that so she wouldn’t lose her mother as well,” Raven said, gaining a lot more respect for Wells in that moment.

“Yeah.”

“So I just kept going over my choices and I began to think what if we’re not meant to be friends down here.”

“So what happened?”

“I decided her friendship was too important to me. So I was there not pushing her but still letting her know I was here, and little by little we got our friendship back on track.”

“Sounds so easy when you say it.”

“It was easier for me than it would probably be for you. Friendships and relationships are a bit different.”

“What do you think I should do?”

“I think that has to be up to you. I will say you have to be sure of one thing.”

“What thing?”

“Be sure this is what you truly want. Don’t settle because it’s what you think you should do or because it’s what you’ve always done. If you choose to keep your relationship, just make sure he’s as devoted to you as you are to him,” Wells said, thinking back to the first week and how Finn seemed very interested in Clarke.

“That’s not the first time someone has implied that, is there something I should know?”

“What do you mean?”

“Wells please… I need to know.”

“People were surprised Finn had a girlfriend down here.”

“Go on,” Raven urged, “please.” She sounded so sad it broke Wells’ heart but she had a point she deserved to know.

“People were surprised because Finn seemed very interested in Clarke when we got here. Nothing happened, but…”

“But that was more because of Clarke’s feelings for Bellamy,” Raven muttered finishing his thought. “Do you know if he…” Raven couldn’t say the words, “with anyone else?”

“I can’t help you there sorry. I really don’t know, I haven’t really paid much attention to what he does.”

“Of course.” Raven muttered. “Can I have some time?”

“Sure thing,” Wells stated, but stopped at the tent’s opening and turned around. “For what it’s worth I think you deserve much better.”

“Thanks Wells.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said, and then exited the tent, leaving Raven to her thoughts. Had Finn cheated on her? Did their relationship mean nothing to him? She didn’t know what she would do if that were true. Finn had always been her entire life, her family. What was she supposed to do? She just wanted to cry and fall apart but this place didn’t exactly allow time for that. She knew she had to be strong and part of that was talking with Finn. She just needed five minutes to compose herself.

-*-*-

Bellamy had been thinking a lot about his situation on the way to the bunker. He didn’t want to leave his girls, but at the same time he didn’t want them in danger because of him.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“Just thinking, Princess,” Bellamy told her.

“Are we going to talk about why you took so many rations? I mean, this is a day trip.”

“A lot can happen in a day.”

“You know the first dropship is going to come down soon. Pretty sure you can’t avoid Jaha forever,” Clarke told him.

“I can try,” Bellamy muttered.

“The depot is supposed to be around here… somewhere.”

“There’s got to be a door,” Bellamy said, looking around.

“Maybe he’ll be lenient,” Clarke said.

“Look.I shot the man, Clarke.He’s not just gonna forgive and forget,” Bellamy reminded her. He really didn’t want to have this conversation, not right now. “Let’s just split up, cover more ground, but stay within shouting distance.”

“Okay, but be careful with your stitches.”

“Yes sir,” Bellamy joked as they split up to look for the depot. Unbeknownst to them Dax had followed them and was waiting for the perfect moment to attack. Just as he was going to make a move Clarke called out to Bellamy.

“Bellamy! I found a door.”

Bellamy walked over to her as Clarke tried to open the hatch, “I think it’s rusted shut.”

“Let me try- watch your foot,” Bellamy said as he opened the lock with his ax. Then they both opened it and saw a bunch of stairs. Clarke grabbed a flashlight and handed one to Bellamy.

“You really think this place hasn’t been touched since the war?” Bellamy asked.

“A girl can dream,” Clarke said as they started looking around.

They had been looking for a few minutes but hadn’t found anything good yet, unless you counted a few skeletons. And there was no way they could live there.

“So much for living down here, this place is disgusting,” Clarke commented. “Damn it!”

“Anything left down here is ruined,” Bellamy said as he looked at the state of the place. There was leakage coming from god knows where.

“They must have distributed most of the supplies before the last bombs went off,” Clarke realized. She kept looking around, opening drawers and getting disappointed, until she opened one that contained blankets.

“Hey, I found blankets!”

“Excited about a couple of blankets?” Bellamy retorted.

“Well, it’s something,” Clarke pointed out.

“How about a canteen or a med kit or a decent freaking tent?” Bellamy exclaimed. Clarke didn’t know what was up with him; he had been in such a mood since they left camp. They kept looking and she heard Bellamy kick something.

“Bellamy, be careful!”

“Oh, my God,” he whispered, and she walked over to him. He was looking at what had fallen out of the containers- guns. Now that was definitely a good find.

-*-*-

Bellamy and Clarke were gone for the day, finally. Don’t get her wrong, she loves her brother and her best friend but they were seriously putting a damper on her love life.

Since they are gone she can finally have that date with Jasper. Of course she promised Clarke she would do inventory first so that’s what she was doing right now.

She was so nervous she had even forgotten to eat. Everything would go well, she had to believe that things were looking up. She finished writing the inventory and put it in its place. Octavia went outside and right off the bat she knew something was off. Then Jasper came up to her.

“Octavia! Octavia!” he shouted.

“Jasper, what’s up?”

“It’s the grounders, they are here in camp. We’re all going to die, we’re going to die,” he started muttering while eating nuts. Then he saw a glimpse of a grounder, “He’s there! Right there!”

“I don’t see anything,” Octavia said, looking at where he was pointing.

“He’s right there! We have to run. We have to run!! Why isn’t anyone doing anything?” Jasper yelped, his frantic tone attracting a few looks.

“Jasper, are you on something?” Octavia asked.

‘I just want you to know this…Cause we’re all gonna die soon, ok? I just, I love you,” Jasper said while eating the nuts.

“Is this all you’ve eaten today?” Octavia said, looking at the nuts.

“ It is, but who the hell cares now?” Jasper questioned.

“You’re totally bombed,” Octavia declared, then grabbed a stick from the ground. “Here buddy, take this.”

“What is it?”

“This is an anti-grounder stick. As long as you hold this and you sit right here, grounders won’t be able to see you.”

“Makes sense. I’ll just stay right here,” Jasper said, sitting on the ground while holding the stick to his body. Octavia had taken the nuts away at least and right now she was feeling thankful she hadn’t eaten yet. She had a feeling that the rest of the camp was going to be faring like Jasper.  With Bellamy and Clarke gone for the day it was up to her and she was going to need reinforcements.

A few meters away Raven stood in front of her tent. She knew she had to have this talk, but at the same time she just wanted to forget the entire situation.

“Come on Reyes, you can do this,” she told herself as she went inside the tent.

“Raven, hey,” Finn exclaimed, looking up at her.

“We need to talk Finn.”

“That never sounds good,” Finn commented.

“It could be good or it could go the other way around.”

“That’s true.”

“You don’t like that I was in agreement with Clarke about the way to treat the grounder and we need to talk about that. I think you have things you want to say and it’s why we’ve been fighting so much.”

“I don’t really think we have anything to talk about on that subject,” Finn said, turning around and Raven scoffed.

“No, I really think we do,” she told him.

“We won’t agree on it and you won’t like what I have to say,” Finn mentioned without turning around.

“That’s exactly why we have to have this conversation, because it’s messing up with the other aspects of our relationship.”

“You want to talk, let’s talk. I think it was wrong. It was inhumane and wrong and I think that was Bellamy’s influence because otherwise why would you do it?” he stood up as he talked and faced his girlfriend.

“Are you kidding me? We are at war Finn! They are killing us! We’re what- supposed to sit on our asses and wait to get killed?” she asked incredulously at the way in which Finn could be extremely naive at times.

“No, but you didn’t have to torture him!”

“We tried talking to him and it didn’t work. Nothing was working and Bellamy was dying!” she exclaimed. How did he not get it? One of their own was dying!

“We could have found another way. Clarke shouldn’t have had to do that,” Finn mentioned and Raven wanted to scream. Of course this was about Clarke.

“There was no other way,” Raven stated, and then a thought came to her. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this. You know I had heard rumblings around camp, but damn.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s true, you want Clarke…”

“That’s ridiculous,” Finn muttered.

“No it’s not. What, did you think if Bellamy died she would fall into your arms?” Raven remarked and she couldn’t believe she’d said that but she wasn’t taking it back. Deep down she knew Finn would never do that but she was hurt. The boy that had been her life had apparently forgotten about her.

“What? No! I don’t want him dead!” Finn exclaimed, shocked Raven would think that about him.

“Maybe not actual wishing, but you can’t tell me it wouldn’t make it easier for you.”

“You’re acting crazy. All I’ve said is he is a bad influence,” Finn said and flinched at the word crazy, which was a poor choice on his part.

“You do realize the order to capture trhe grounder and torture him was all Clarke right?” Raven asked but got no response. “Don’t put her up on a pedestal, Finn. She deserves better than that… And so do I.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I deserve better,” she muttered softly.

“Raven, I love you.”

“I believe you do, but you’re not in love with me- not anymore. Maybe you do but it’s not the way I deserved to be loved,” Raven sighed, and with that she walked out of the tent and away from the boy that been her saving grace her entire life. Maybe one day they would revisit all of this, but for right now she needed some time away. She needed to figure out who she was, without Finn.

She walked towards the dropship thinking she could get some peace and quiet there. As she walked inside she found Wells looking over the inventory.

“Wasn’t inventory Octavia’s job today?” Raven asked.

“Yeah, but I can’t find her at the moment so while I’m guessing she did it, I can’t find her notes about it.”

“I think she said something about a date with Jasper considering Bellamy is out of camp.”

“That would make sense,” Wells said then looked at Raven. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?” Raven asked.

“You have this look in your eyes, I’m guessing you talked to Finn?” Wells asked as Octavia came inside.

“There you two are!” Octavia exclaimed and looked at Raven. “Did something happen?”

“I broke up with Finn,” Raven admitted, feeling weird saying it out loud. Suddenly she found herself being hugged by Octavia.

“I’m sorry Raven, I know how much you cared about him.”

“Yeah, well I couldn’t really delay the inevitable, and it wouldn’t be fair to myself considering he doesn’t seem to share my feelings anymore.”

“Well I think it was the best decision you could make,” Octavia pointed out.

“Maybe some time apart can help you both decide what you really want, you made the healthy choice,” Wells told her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Thanks guys,” Raven said softly as Monty came inside.

“Hey, is the moon in here?”

“Monty?” Wells asked, wondering what was going on.

“I can’t change the tide if the moon won’t cooperate. It’s basic physics,” Monty explained then went back outside.

“What was that?” Raven asked.

“That’s what I’ve been looking for you guys for,” Octavia said and they gave her a look that clearly said explain. “You guys haven’t eaten yet have you?”

“No, why?” Wells asked.

“I’m pretty sure the nuts went bad or something. Because everyone is drugged,” Octavia explained

“Oh shit,” Raven said as they walked outside and saw the commotion.

“Like I said, everyone is completely bombed.”

“Well let’s get to work then,” Wells murmured. They were looking at a very long day ahead of them.

-*-*-

“This changes everything! No more running from spears,” Bellamy stated as he set up a bit of a target to shoot at, then smirked at her. “Ready to be a badass, Clarke?

“I’m already a badass,” Clarke retorted.

“That’s for sure,” Bellamy said as he ate more of the nuts they had brought with them.

“Look, I’m not gonna fight you on bringing guns back to camp.I know we need them, but don’t expect me to like it,” Clarke said.

“We’re lucky the rifles were packed in grease.The fact that they survived means we’re not sitting ducks anymore.You need to learn how to do this and what better teacher than yours truly?”

“Cocky are we?”

“Always,” he said, smiling at her.

“So I just hold it on my shoulder?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah, just a little higher,” he said behind her, getting the gun in the correct position, “There perfect…now watch and learn,” he said as he grabbed his gun and shot the target, but it was  a dud. He recharged and once again, a dud.

“Still watching,” Clarke joked.

“My bullets are duds, try yours,” Bellamy told her as he watched her get in the correct position and shoot the target.

“That was amazing,” she said, and it really was, it was a great rush. “Am I horrible for feeling that?”

Bellamy smirked but just told her to try again.

“No, we shouldn’t waste the ammunition.”

“You need to practice,” he pointed out.

‘We need to talk about how we’re gonna keep guns around camp. Where are we gonna keep them, and who has access…” she started saying as he took a shot and almost hit the middle of the target.

“Miller has been good with the grounders, he could be good for this.”

“You should keep him close, the others listen to him.”

“I should keep him close? Bellamy, what’s going on? You’ve been acting weird all day,” Clarke commented then it came to her, all the rations, all the abrupt changing the subject whenever it was something camp related, his mood. “All the rations you took-you’re gonna run. Is that why you agreed to come with me? You were gonna load up on supplies and just disappear?”

“Clarke,” Bellamy started, he didn’t know what to say.

“No ,you don’t get to speak, I have the floor right now. After everything we’ve been through, you were just going to leave Octavia, you were just gonna leave me?”

“I hadn’t decided anything, I was just thinking about it.”

“Exactly, you were thinking about it.”

“I’m trying to protect you, what do you think will happen to you and Octavia if you’re aligned with me. I shot the chancellor! No matter what my reasons were I still shot him. They’re gonna kill me, Clarke.Best-case scenario, they lock me up with the grounder for the rest of my life, and there’s no way in hell I’m giving Jaha the satisfaction.”

“You don’t have to run, we can figure out something together!”

“Keep practicing, I need some air,” he said as he walked out, ignoring her shouting his name. That did not go as he planned, and he didn’t know what to do. How did he tell the girl he loved that he was terrified of what Jaha would do? There was no way they would pardon him, he’d committed the highest form of treason. And he’d be damned if he took his girls down with him. He walked through the grass and suddenly he felt completely out of breath.  He heard a twig snap and then heard his name being called.

“Bellamy Blake,” Bellamy stood up to see Chancellor Jaha in front of him.
“How are you here? You’re on the Ark.”

“You shot me on The Ark, but I’ve been waiting for you,” Jaha said as Bellamy watched as the place where he had shot him filled up with blood.

“I did what I had to do.”

“To protect Octavia.”
“That’s right.”

“Pathetic, using your sister to justify your crimes, your cruelty, your selfishness?”

“If you’re gonna kill me, just do it,” Bellamy said with false bravado.

“Why should I kill you? Unlike the others, I survived your machinations.”

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy asked as more people showed up. Charlotte, Roma, Atom, kids who’d died down here on earth but the worst of all was the person in the middle.

“Mom?” Bellamy whispered in a broken voice.

“It’s not my forgiveness you should seek. It’s theirs.” Jaha told him and Bellamy felt the world fall from underneath him.

-*-*-

Finn looked around to see if there was anyone lucid and thankfully there wasn’t anyone that seemed to notice him come inside the dropship. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing but he had to do something. The grounder couldn’t continue staying here. He held on to his pack of jobi nuts as he went up the stairs, where Miller was on grounder watch.

“Collins, what are you doing here?” Miller asked.

“A few of the guys mentioned you’d been up here awhile and I figured you hadn’t eaten anything.

“With Bellamy and Clarke out of camp someone had to watch over the grounder.”

“Well that’s why I brought some food your way, I figure it was the least I could do,” he said, handing him the pack of nuts which Miller accepted.

“Thanks man, this is great, I haven’t eaten all day.”

“Don’t mention it,” Finn said, then he made his way downstairs and waited for the nuts to have their effect on Miller. Sure enough, a few minutes past and Miller was coming downstairs and seemed to be feeling the effects.

He didn’t know how long the effects would last, or how long it would be before Bellamy and Clarke made their way back to camp so he had to work fast. He walked towards the grounder and started trying to untie him.

“I’m Finn, I want to help you but I can’t if you don’t let me.”

“Lincoln” was the only thing the grounder said.

“Okay Lincoln, let’s get you out of here before anyone realizes you are gone,” Finn said as he finished untying him, then he passed him a shirt and a hoodie, which Lincoln accepted gracefully. Lincoln put on the clothes and followed Finn out of the dropship, Finn looked to see if anyone was looking. When he saw no one, he led Lincoln to the wall and showed him how to escape without being noticed. Now it was time to get back to his tent before anyone noticed.

-*-*-

She was trying to practice in order to keep her mind of Bellamy. He was right, she did need the practice. She couldn’t believe he could be so selfish, he was planning on leaving Octavia, the sister he got on a dropship to protect. He was willing to leave her? She thought he loved her; you don’t leave the people you love. Suddenly her mind felt heavier than usual and the rifle turned into something else. She dropped it out of fear, then she looked around and realized where she was, she was in her old cell.

“It’s not what you imagined, is it?”

“Dad?” Clarke muttered brokenly, seeing her father’s face for the first time in over a year. After a few moments in her father’s arms she looked up to him, “You’re not real, are you?”

“Sorry, kiddo. I wish I were,” he told her.

“Wait, how is this possible?” she wondered.

“I’m thinking the why more is important than how. Why me?” he asked her honestly.

“Because I miss you.”

“Think there’s more to it than that, kiddo, and we both know it,” he said, giving her the look that always made her want to spill the beans. She had missed that look.

“You want me to forgive her,” Clarke realized.

“Your mom loves you, Clarke.”

“She betrayed you. How can I forgive her for that?” she looked up and saw the look on his face. “The disappointed look isn’t fair. I’m trying. I’m trying all the time, but everyone is counting on me, and it’s so hard.”

“Come here. I know, honey. It’s been tough, hasn’t it?” he asked as she nodded and cuddled into his arms, feeling once again like the little girl instead of the one that had been forced to grow up too soon.

“I let someone get tortured, and then I tortured him myself. I don’t regret it, I mean I didn’t like it but if the circumstances were the same I would do it again. Bellamy was dying and he had the antidote, there was nothing else I could do. I couldn’t let him die.’

“Listen, you’re doing the best you can. You’re not an awful person. You’ve made your mistakes but they don’t define you.”

“You want me to say mom did the best she could, that basically killing you doesn’t define her?” she asked.

“This is about what you want,” Jake told her.

“You’re dead because of her, she doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”

“Clarke, sweetheart, listen to me. Forgiveness isn’t about what people deserve.”

“Look, I’m sorry… I can’t.”

“Whatever. Crazy bitch,” The words were coming out of her dad’s mouth but it wasn’t her dad’s voice.

“Dad?” She wondered before she saw a glimpse of someone and everything went dark.

-*-*-

“Tell me again.”

“You are the most beautiful broom in a broom closet of brooms,” Raven told him before walking over to the table where Octavia and Wells were sitting. They had been at this almost all day.

“This has been a very weird day,” Wells commented.

“I’m tired, taking care of this many kids is exhausting and it was not in my plans for today. I was supposed to be having a date while my doofus of a brother was out of camp,” Octavia complained.

“Yeah, well I hadn’t meant to break up with my lifelong boyfriend today so I think I’ve got you beat on shitty days,” Raven griped.

“I don’t know how Bellamy and Clarke do it,” Wells said.

“Yeah, and they make it look so effortless. It’s so not,” Raven added.

“I kind of wish I had eaten so I wouldn’t be stuck with this, Octavia mentioned.

“Think of it this way, when they wake up they are going to have one hell of a headache,” Wells pointed out.

“That does make me feel slightly better,” Raven mentioned and Octavia nodded, “but seriously, did this have to happen while they were away from camp?”

“You know what they say, when the cat’s away the mice will play.”

“Did you just compare the 100 to mice?” Wells asked.

“And your brother and Clarke to cats?” Raven countered. “Are you sure you didn’t eat the nuts?”

“Well, a Griffin is part lion so it fits, sort of,” Octavia explained as the other two looked at her incredulously.

“And what are we then?”

“Oh that’s easy, we’re adorable puppy guard dogs.”

“What?” Wells laughed.

“You see, we’re loyal, we keep the control and keep a firm watch of things but we’re not as bossy as the cats,” Octavia told them and then added, “plus we’re adorable.”

“That last part is very true,” Raven said.

“I’m kind of in awe because that explanation actually made a bit of sense.”

“It’s one of my talents,” Octavia smiled before they saw one of the delinquents crying and walking around.

“I’ll take that, I guess break is over,” Wells said.

“Yeah, we wouldn’t want Clarke and Bellamy to come back to a messed up camp.”

“We’d be in so much trouble,” Octavia joked, but followed after Raven

-*-*-

“Mom?” Bellamy asked again as the image of his mother became corporeal. She was right there standing behind Jaha.

“You failed me, Bellamy.”

“I’m so sorry mom, I tried my best.”

“You failed your family, that girl of yours always came first, even before Octavia. She was your responsibility and look at what has happened to her down here. You failed at the only job I left you.”

“Octavia is okay, she’s back at camp. Please mom,” Bellamy pleaded.

“You killed me and thanks to you Octavia almost died. You are weak, I am ashamed of you, ashamed to call you my son. You should be dead, not me.”

Some part of him deep down knew it wasn’t really his mother’s voice, that she would never say those things, but the larger part was buying into her words. He fell to the ground defenseless.

Then Atom came up, “I gave you loyalty when we arrived and you couldn’t help me. I am now just an unmarked grave- that is all my life amounted to. All my parents would see if they were to get to the ground would be an unmarked grave. You don’t even know which one is mine do you?” Atom spat, then crouched down in front of Bellamy.

“You couldn’t even kill me yourself. I was lying there in pain begging for you to kill me and you couldn’t do it. You are weak.”

“I was young, I should have lived for longer. You gave Murphy power, and you should have protected me. You failed me, just like you failed Octavia. You got her captured both here and in the ark, just like you’ll fail Clarke,” Charlotte bit out.

“You’re a disgrace, you disgust me,” Atom told him and then they all joined together, all the voices all the apparitions. They started screaming things like weak, murderer, telling him he’d fail; all of his worse fears come to light.

“Stop please,” he begged. He couldn’t deal with it anymore- it was too much. He turned to Jaha and begged for death.

“Please kill me. Kill me! I deserve it,” he cried out then murmured softly, “please. I can’t fight anymore.”

“Don’t you know? Life is a fight!” Jaha exclaimed.

“What am I supposed to do?” Bellamy asked.

“Live, breathe, suffer, you owe them that. You want the peace of death you’re gonna have to earn it,” Jaha told him as Atom and the rest of the fallen delinquents started kicking him and punching him while Bellamy did nothing.

“Fight back! Do you think you deserve to be free of your pain? Do you deserve that gift? Because you’re gonna get it. Nothing personal.”

Then Jaha had transformed into Dax and he was holding a gun to him. He reached for the gun next to him but realized it had never been there. He was screwed, and then he heard her.

“Put it down, Dax.”

He looked to see Clarke pointing her own rifle at Dax.

“Should’ve stayed down there, Clarke. I tried not to kill you, but here you are, and Shumway said no witnesses,” Dax told her as he turned around and pointed the gun at her. Bellamy was trying his hardest to clear his mind, see what was real and what wasn’t.

“Shumway? Wasn’t that the guy that…” Clarke trailed off.

“He gave me the gun to shoot the Chancellor,” Bellamy said.

“Walk away now and I won’t kill you,” Dax told her once more.

“Put it down,” she stated, pausing between words.

“Your choice,” he said and Clarke shot at him.

Regretfully her bullets were apparently duds.  That’s when Dax started shooting at Clarke as she hid behind a tree. Gathering all the strength he had left Bellamy managed to get up and push Dax to the ground.

They started fighting. Considering what Dax had been arrested for and Bellamy’s recent injury it wasn’t surprising when the former overpowered the latter. Dax started punching Bellamy just as Clarke was trying to reload her own rifle. They both reached for the gun but Dax was quicker and hit Bellamy in the face with it. Dax was choking Bellamy with the rifle when Clarke came at him screaming.

“Get the hell off him!” she cried, but all she got was punched with the rifle.

In that moment Bellamy plunged a stray bullet into Dax’s neck, killing him instantly. Bellamy dragged himself towards the tree Clarke was leaning against and fell down next to her.

“You’re okay,” she whimpered as she held on to him, making sure he truly was alive. It had been the second time she had been close to losing him and she hated that feeling.

“No, I’m not,” he responded softly and she waited for him to continue. “My mother, if she truly knew what I’ve done, who I am… She raised me to be better, to be good.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke muttered, not believing what she was hearing but he continued on as if he hadn’t heard.

“And all I do is hurt people… I’m a monster,” he admitted.

“No you’re not a monster,” Clarke told him and he looked at her with so much pain in his eyes it hurt even her. “You have saved my life today, you’ve saved my life countless times since we’ve gotten here. I need you, we all need you.”

Bellamy looked away and she grabbed his face and turned it towards her once more. “Hey look at me, none of us would’ve survived this place if it wasn’t for you. You want forgiveness, fine, I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven, ok, but you can’t run, Bellamy. You can’t leave me and you can’t leave Octavia. You have to come back with me and face it,” she told him firmly.

“Like you faced your mom?” he asked and he didn’t even say it to be mean, it just felt like he needed to say it.

“You’re right. I don’t want to face my mom. I don’t want to face any of it. All I think about every day is who we’re gonna keep everyone alive, but we don’t have a choice,” Clarke told him, letting her own fears out in the open.

“Jaha will kill me when he comes down.”

“You really think I’m going to let that happen, or Octavia or Miller?  We’ll figure something out.”

“Can we figure it out later?” he muttered.

“Whatever you need,” Clarke said resting against the tree, “and Bellamy?”

“Yeah?”

“You better not have pulled your stitches,” she told him, making him laugh a bit.

-*-*-

The delinquents seemed to be finally waking up from the haze they had been in, just in time because Raven, Octavia and Wells felt like they were going to drop dead any second now.

“Rough night?” Monty asked Jasper as he went up to his best friend.

“Yeah, my head is killing me,” Jasper complained then turned to Monty. “You?”

“I’m pretty sure I ate a pine cone… because it told me to,” Monty commented, but before Jasper could respond Miller came out of the dropship shouting.

“He’s gone… the grounder is gone!” and just like that everyone started freaking out at once.

“What if he brings other grounders back? He’ll kill us all,” Fox said, scared about what this could mean.

“Or worse!” someone else responded.

Raven, Wells and Octavia exchanged a look; it was their time to calm the masses down, again. Before they could start doing damage control Bellamy and Clarke appeared, just in the nick of time. They seemed to be caring two huge bags.

“Let the grounders come. We’ve been afraid of them for far too long, and why? Because of their knives and spears. I don’t know about you. I’m tired of being afraid,” Bellamy told the group that had gathered and when he finished speaking he and Clarke shared a look and put down their bags at the same time. Showing everyone the weapons they had found.

“These are weapons, ok, not toys, and we have to be prepared to give them up to the guard when the dropship comes, but until then, they’re gonna help keep us safe.

And there are plenty more where these came from,” Clarke said, explaining the situation.

“Tomorrow we start training, and if the grounders come, we’re gonna be ready to fight,” Bellamy told the group, and when no one spoke up the group dispersed once more.

“You have no idea the day we have had,” Wells told his best friend in lieu of a greeting.

“I don’t know, we might have you beat at that,” Clarke stated.

“How is everything here?” Bellamy asked.

“Everyone seems to be waking up from the hallucinations, the three of us weren’t affected,” Raven told him and Bellamy nodded then turned to Octavia. “Why don’t you girls take a break you look like you could use one, Jaha here can fill us in on what happened.”

“He helped too, so he should get some time off as well,” Raven interjected.

“Don’t worry, he will. He’ll just give his report and we’ll send him to bed,” Clarke told her as both girls left.

“So where do you want to do this?” Wells asked.

“Let’s do it in my medbay, I need to check a certain someone’s stitches, I’m pretty sure he pulled them,” Clarke said walking inside the dropship. Wells looked at Bellamy and laughed then followed after her.

“You know it’s totally not my fault people keep trying to kill me,” Bellamy complained, following after his girlfriend.

-*-*-

Bellamy put a blanket over Octavia and she smiled at him.

“Heard you had quite the day.”

“It’s not exactly one I would like to repeat any time soon. How was your trip?”

“Other than finding the guns and fighting for my life, it was alright,” Bellamy told her, keeping out the part about his hallucination. Octavia didn’t need to hear that.

“Heard Wells had to redo your stitches,” Octavia laughed as he made a face.

“Clarke made good on her promise of not redoing my stitches if I pulled them.”

“I bet she enjoyed seeing that.”

“Oh, she was definitely laughing in the background.”

“Can people stop trying to kill you? It’s getting a bit exhausting,” Octavia joked, hiding the fact that she was terrified when she found out what happened with Dax.

“I’m okay O, don’t worry. Now I have to ask, did you have anything to do with the grounder escaping?” Bellamy asked and Octavia could tell he really didn’t want to be asking that.

“Don’t worry, I had nothing to do with it. I was helping Raven and Wells as we were the only ones not affected.”

“Why weren’t you affected? Just curious.”

“I didn’t eat the nuts, I was taking inventory of everything in the dropship like Clarke asked and forgot to eat. Then when I came out to meet Jas I noticed he was a bit off and went to go get help.”

“Bellamy, it’s time,” Clarke said, interrupting the siblings.

“Well it’s time to face the music.”

“Things will work out you’ll see… And Bell? Thanks for the blanket,” Octavia said before Bellamy and Clarke walked into the communications tent.

“She’s right, no matter what happens I’m here for you,” Clarke said, giving him a light kiss before grabbing his hand and going to sit in front of the camera. They put on their headsets and Clarke grabbed his hand from underneath the video.

“Mr. Blake, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for quite some time now.”

“Before you do, I’d like to say something,” Clarke interrupted. “When you sent us down here you sent us to die. Miraculously most of us are still alive and that’s in large part because of him, because of Bellamy. He’s one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us.”

“Clarke, I appreciate your point of view, even though it might be a bit biased given the nature of your relationship, but it’s not that simple,” Jaha stated.

“It is, if you want to know who on the Ark wants you dead,” Bellamy told him, playing the card that they knew would get Jaha to see their point.

“Bellamy Blake, you are pardoned for your crimes,” Jaha told them and Clarke squeezed Bellamy’s hand as Bellamy felt a huge weight lift off from him. “Now tell me who gave you the gun.”

AN: Once again I apologize for the lateness but I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Next up Unity Day and it’s a bumpy ride from there… and you can find me at my Tumblr if you have any doubts, questions or concerns.. remember to review/reblog if you liked it!

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