Killian Jones and Self Esteem

So I’m a little bit calmer now and I thought of something.. My shipper heart would have loved it to be Killian in the manor, but as everyone has said, he doesn’t love himself.

Fact: Killian Jones has the LOWEST self-esteem of anyone on ONCE..

Emma has told him countless times that he’s a hero but as we saw tonight he still doesn’t believe it. Killian Jones is NOT a Villain and this season is proving it episode by episode. I mean his heart is completely red not a dark spot on it. He’s a hero but he doesn’t believe that. If he were a villain he’d have no problem wrecking havok evern without his heart, instead he went in and hugged Emma.

We know Killian Jones is a hero, and we know he has really low self-esteem and from personal experience it’s something not that easily remedied. Low self-esteem means that no matter what anyone tells you, no matter what they saw about you, you will still believe the worst. Most of us equate self-esteem with looks but it doesn’t always mean that.

Killian Jones knows he is a handsome, he’s problem with his self-esteem has nothing to do with his looks.

Once again speaking from experience, I know I’m pretty it’s something and while I don’t have low self-esteem anymore (other than a few moments) when I have those low moments it has nothing to do with my look. It has to do with my personality and the way I act or react to things.

That’s part of Killian’s problem.

He might like how he looks but he doesn’t love himself. He deeply loves Emma but until he loves himself that won’t make a difference. We saw how much it took for Emma to accept every part of her. She’s accepted her son, her parents, Killian, now has actual friends and she’s accepted the final piece which is her magic. Killian is on the same road, the difference is he doesn’t have the support system Emma has.

We’ve talked about Emma’s walls a lot but the fact remains that Killian’s walls are just as strong and fortified. It’s what makes them such kindred souls. We know close to nothing about Killian’s past but his walls have been fortified by his parents, Liam, Milah, Baelfire, loosing Emma in the lost year etc. The lovely Kate brought up the fact that every time Killian gets close to happiness it gets ripped away from him, and that just got me thinking.

He keeps getting shit on and yet he keeps fighting. Most would have given up by now. He’s mentioned time and time again that’s he’s a survivor. No matter what happens to him he’ll keep fighting for the ones he loves, because once he loves he loves deeply. And now it seems he has lost everything because his worst enemy has his heart and yet he’ll keep fighting.

This storyline with Gold is extremely interesting because while it gives us clear view that Killian HAS changed and IS a hero it shows us he doesn’t believe it. In an episode about Emma finally embracing all that she is, we get shown Killian still thinks the worst of himself. Just as Elsa was necesarry for Emma to truly understand the message, Emma will be the one that finally gets through to Killian.

She’s going to fight for him and prove to him that he’s worth it, that he deserves to be happy. Sadly I don’t think he would believe if from anyone other than her. It’s probably the reason we haven’t gotten the I love you, because you can’t love someone until you love youself.

I don’t think we should give up hope because if anything what is coming is going to be so great for all of us. We’ll have Emma and Killian fully loving themselves and each other. The 4A finale is called “Heroes and Villains”. It’s when everything will come to blows, the heroes and villains will be clearly decided. Gold will fall with the villains while Killian will definitely fall with the heroes and even better? He’ll accept the fact that he truly is a hero.

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