Title: Who We Are
Rating: T for now
Word Count: 9,009 (50,679)
Story Tag: Tumblr
Summary: Wrong information and misunderstandings can break even the strongest of couples. Bellamy and Clarke had a relationship back on the ark until one day it all stopped. Now it’s a year later and they are on the ground trying to figure out where they stand with each other, what really happened and how in the world are they going to protect the rest of the 100 from the threats of the earth and the threats from the arc.
AN: Thanks for all your lovely reviews!! Okay I didn’t know if I should do this but the obvious warning for this chapter is Torture. If you can’t handle that, please don’t read it, I mean that in the best possible way.
There’s a lot of Miller/Clarke and Jasper/Clarke friendship so that’s good. Also Clarke gets a lot darker here than she does in the show or at least it happens earlier than in the show, I explained why here
“What happened?” Miller asked, and then they saw it- Finn, carrying Bellamy’s semi-unconscious body. And there was no louder scream than Octavia’s.
“Finn, get him into Medbay and then come out! Monroe get Octavia out of here! I need my mother- I need to talk to her…Raven where are we on the radio? Miller come here!” Clarke started barking out orders.
“We’re just waiting on a response from them,” Raven told her.
“Okay, go help Monty with that as fast as you can Raven!” Clarke exclaimed as Monroe went with Octavia and Raven back inside and Miller came up to Clarke.
“What do you need Clarke, tell me and I’ll help,” Miller asked. He needed to do something productive or he was going to worry about Bellamy, and if he was feeling like that he could only imagine how she was feeling. Finn got back just in time and Clarke looked at them and motioned for them to follow. She stopped at the wall.
“Miller, you along with Mick, Connor, Finn and Jasper are going to get me that son of a bitch grounder who attacked us, he should be unconscious where we left him. Make sure no one sees you.”
“Clarke what are you doing?” Finn asked worriedly. What did she need the grounder for?
“I’m getting answers one way or another. You can stand with us or get out of the way,” Clarke replied.
“Don’t worry, I know where it is, I can take us there,” Jasper commented.
“Good,” Clarke replied, then looked at Finn expecting his answer.
“I’ll go, so they don’t get lost,” Finn said and Clarke nodded.
“Miller I’m counting on you, bring me that bastard, and go quickly before the storm hits us.”
“With pleasure. Come on guys, you heard the boss- let’s go before the bad part of the storm starts!” Miller exclaimed and they all left behind him. She wanted to fall apart but she can’t, she had to be the doctor, she had to be the leader. She walks in to Monty and Monroe standing over Raven, who was still trying to reach the Ark.
“You can save him right?” Octavia pleaded.
“O, I love you but I can’t deal with you right now. Someone take her away.”
“Come on O, you can come with me,” Monty said, grabbing her hand.
“I want to be here! He’s my brother!”
“You can’t! Because you’re too close to this and I have to think like a doctor, not like a friend or a girlfriend. But the truth is that the man I love, your brother, could die and I’m the one that has to deal with it, I have to fix this. So please for my sake- go with Monty.”
“O, there’s nothing you can do to help anyway,” Monty said as Octavia let herself be taken away.
“Are you sure you’ve got the right frequency?” Monroe asked.
“Raven, you can do this,” Clarke said softly before going over to her unconscious boyfriend lying on the table. They had taken his shirt off but the knife was still there and it was surrounded by blood.
“Ark Station! Calling Ark Station! This is Raven Reyes, I’m on the ground with the 100…we need you.”
Kane was reading off the charges against Abby in front of the council. He didn’t want to but he couldn’t show favoritism, especially if Diana Sydney had moles inside the council. There was static coming from somewhere but they decided to ignore it.
“It was argued extensively that your medical expertise was still needed…” Kane started to say before they were interrupted by the static once more.
“Thank you,” Abby told the council while looking at Kane, once again thrown by his change in demeanor. He was acting like a self-righteous douche again saying all the things the flares could have been. That’s when Jaha broke the news telling her she was stripped of her spot on the council.
There it was again, there was a voice. It was Raven.
“Calling Ark Station, come in Ark Station.”
“Raven,” Abby muttered. “She’s still alive.”
“Are you there? Please come in.”
Abby took off running towards where the sound was coming from, followed by Jaha and Kane. It was coming from the entire ark.
“The 100 are alive, can anyone hear me?”
“This is a closed channel, please identify yourself,” Sinclair instructed.
“This is Raven Reyes, I’m from Meca station. I’m transmitting from the ground. The 100 are alive, you need to get Doctor Abby Griffin now!”
“Raven, we are trying to boost your signal,” Sinclair told her as Abby, Jaha and Kane came running in. “Get her off the ark-wide signal, this room only, you copy?”
“Can she hear me?”
“Did you confirm the signal’s origin?” Jaha asked.
“Yes sir, it’s coming from earth,” Sinclair confirmed. Kane was frozen in place. They were alive. Abby had been right all along, he had been wrong, so wrong.
“Raven can you hear me?” Abby asked, then she heard a voice she never thought she’d hear again. Clarke.
“Mom? Mom it’s me.”
“Clarke?” she asked, getting choked up.
“Mom I need your help, one of our people was stabbed by a grounder,” she said, looking back at Bellamy.
“Clarke, this is the Chancellor. Are you saying there’s survivors on the ground?”
“Yes, the earth is survivable, we’re not alone,” Clarke said, not knowing the impact her words were having on the people listening to her back at the Ark. “Mom he’s dying, the knife is still in his chest.”
“Can you patch me through to medical?” she asked Sinclair who nodded.
“Clarke, is my son with you?”
“I’m here dad, but we can talk later please? Clarke needs to talk to her mother, he’s going to die otherwise and that would not be good for anyone,” Wells said brashly.
“Clarke needs you, patch her to me when you’re finished,” Jaha told Sinclair before he left. His son was alive. His son sounded pissed at him, but he was alive.
“I’m going to talk you through it step by step,” Abby said, and then got cut off.
“Raven what’s wrong?”
“It’s not the radio, it’s the storm!”
“Doctor Griffin, you should look at this. There’s a hurricane right on top of them,” Sinclair pointed out
“Clarke, we need to hurry,” Abby said as she ran towards Medical.
Octavia came in with two tumblers filled with Monty’s moonshine. She walked up to Clarke who just looked at her like she didn’t know what to tell her.
“You were right earlier, I was thinking like a sister. I was too nervous, but I love him too and I can block it all out. You’re my best friend and you can’t do this alone. Let me do this, if not for him, then for you,” she said, handing one of the moonshines to Clarke.
“Monty’s moonshine?” she asked after smelling it.
“Pretty sure no germ can survive it,” Octavia pointed out as they used it to disinfect their hands.
“The storm is getting worse,” Wells muttered.
“Monroe, close the doors,” Clarke commanded.
“We still have people out there,” Monroe told them. “Miller and Jasper’s group haven’t come back yet.”
“Fuck, I told them to make it quick. We’ll give them a few, but if they aren’t back yet they’ll need to wait it out somewhere,” Clarke remarked. Of course if they were bringing the grounder that would not be easy. She just hoped they made it in time.
“I got one suture needle,” Raven said, handing it to Clarke. They sent Octavia for some wire to close the wound, with a few warnings from Raven of course.
“They’re back!” someone exclaimed and Octavia stopped short and went back down. They had brought someone with them. It was the grounder and he was unconscious.
“Oh thank fuck!” Clarke exclaimed.
“Jasper, Finn, what are you doing?” Octavia asked.
“What the boss asked,” Finn muttered, making it clear he wasn’t in agreement with the plan.
“We need answers,” Jasper stated.
“Revenge?” Octavia muttered.
“Intel. Get him upstairs now and make sure to tie him down with no chance of him getting free,” Clarke commanded as Mick, Miller and Jasper followed her orders.
“Clarke, honey, we’re ready, can you hear me?” Abby’s voice called from the radio.
“This is not who we are Clarke,” Finn pointed out as Abby’s voice sounded again.
“It is now,” she said, leaving no room for argument. “Octavia- go get those wires. You wanted to help- so help.”
Octavia looked at her best friend, not quite recognizing her but still left. It was her brother’s life that was on the line.
Ignoring everyone’s looks, Clarke explained every detail of the wound to her mother. She told Raven to sterilize her hands because she was going to help her, leaving no room for argument. Since there was a lot of rowdiness, Raven made everyone who wasn’t helping go upstairs. Clarke was completely nervous. Bellamy was warm but her mother said that wasn’t a big deal at the moment. There were questions about fluids and the knife was still in her boyfriend’s gut!
“Here, calm yourself. You’re no good to anyone if you psych yourself out. Imagine it’s anyone else, imagine he’s one of the patients back at the ark,” Raven stated, passing her the moonshine.
“That’s disgusting,” she said as she drank a sip. Raven was right, she could do this; she had to do this. Her mother was saying something about him being lucky and for some reason that made her laugh. Of course he was lucky.
“Did you hear that? You got lucky.”
Upstairs the grounder had just woken up and had started thrashing around.
“Clarke said tighter! As tight as possible!” Miller exclaimed as Mick and Connor tightened up the bindings. “The last thing we need is for him to get free because of your screwing up!”
Octavia started walking towards him but Jasper got in the way.
“Octavia get back down there, you can’t see this.”
“I told you all, he was protecting me,” she whispered. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“As strange as this might sound to you, it’s not about you Octavia,” Miller stated. “We’re doing this for all of us.”
“You did that for all of us?” Octavia remarked.
“I did that for Jasper, who got struck for no reason. We did that for Diggs, John, and Roma who helped us look for you and Clarke and got killed along the way.”
“He didn’t do all that,” Octavia protested.
“And you know who else he did it for?” Jasper muttered and Octavia turned to look at him. “For your brother, the one who risked his neck to save you countless times, and who is fighting for his life down there. That’s definitely on him because we were leaving the cave, Clarke had convinced him not to hurt the grounder and we were leaving. Then your friend here stuck a knife in his gut,” Jasper said, pointing at the grounder then tuned back to Octavia. “We’re doing this for Clarke, who has to save the person she cares the most about just after getting kidnapped. You didn’t see her face, she was petrified, and she has to push it all away right now.”
“We need to know what we’re up against and how many of them are out there,” Miller pointed out. “We need to find out why they are killing us, and he’s going to tell us.”
“Jasper, please don’t let them do this…I was there,” she started pleading.
“Mick, get her out of here and come back,” Miller exclaimed. When Mick didn’t move he spoke again, “Bellamy named me his second, he’s indisposed right now, as is Clarke. So guess who’s next in the chain of command- you’ll listen to me or you’ll face Clarke.”
Thankfully Mick was more afraid of Clarke than he was of Miller so the threat helped, they grabbed Octavia and she let go.
“I’m going! I don’t even think he understands you so good luck with that,” she said sarcastically
“Oh, we’ll make him understand,” Miller stated.
“3 mml- got it?”
“Yeah, I got it. Here it goes.” Clarke stated. If she screwed this up she could kill Bellamy so she needed to not screw this up.
“You can do this Clarke- you’ve assisted me in trickier procedures than this. Once the knife is out the hard part is over.”
“Alright, extracting now.”
Just as she was taking the knife out he woke up.
“He’s waking up!” Raven exclaimed and Wells came up to them to help out.
“Wells, hold him still,” Clarke demanded as Raven and Wells held him down.
“You can’t move, ok?” she asked him.
The knife was almost completely out when the hurricane shook them up. Wells and Raven went flying, and Bellamy fell of the table. Abby’s worried voice came through the radio.
“It’s out, she did it,” Raven exclaimed as Bellamy and Clarke exchanged looks and he gave her one of his soft smiles.
“I knew you could princess,” he whispered, just loud enough for her and Raven to hear.
“Wells, get him back up there,” Clarke said as Wells carried him up on the table again.
Clarke started to work on stitching him up. It took her a while, and he had lost consciousness again, but she got it done.
“Okay I’m done.”
“Good, do you have anything to cover the wound?” Abby asked.
“We’ll make do, like always,” Clarke said bitterly, then noticed how pale he looked. For Bellamy to look that pale, something had to be wrong. “Should he be this pale?”
“Warm too,” Raven pointed out.
“He’s lost a lot of blood. Who is he exactly? The person that got hurt?” Abby wondered.
“He’s-” Raven started to say but was interrupted by Clarke.
“He’s feverish and his breathing is uneven,” Clarke stated.
“Give him some time to recover, let me know if he gets any worse but I think he might be out of the woods.”
“Down here there’s nothing but woods. I need a break,” Clarke bit out and she did need a break, everything was too much.
“Clarke wait! Raven could you give us a couple minutes?”
“Nope, I need you to watch over him while I go check on upstairs,” Clarke replied and went up the stairs.
“Sorry Abby, she’s gone,” Raven commented.
“Who’s the person that was hurt? Clarke didn’t want me to know so I have a suspicion about who it is,” she said.
Wells and Raven shared a look.
“It’s just one of the workers, no one special,” Wells lied.
“Wells, I’ve known you since you were little. I know when you are lying…It’s Bellamy Blake isn’t it?”
“She was afraid that if you knew who it was you wouldn’t help,” Raven admitted.
“When my daughter gets back I want to talk to her.”
“I’ll try my best Abby,” Raven said as Wells moved them to the side, away from the radio.
“You know she’s not going to want to talk to her.”
“I know, but what was I supposed to say for her to leave?It’s not like we can say, ‘sorry Abby, Clarke can’t come to the phone right now because she’s in the middle of torturing a grounder’,” Raven whispered.
“What the hell is that thing, is it a friend of yours?” Miller asked.
As Clarke came up, Connor got in her way.
“Get the hell out of my way,” she commanded and Connor moved. She went to see the grounder; she stood in front of him and he still terrified her but she had to control that response. “Miller, Jasper come here.”
They walked to one corner of the floor.
“How is Bellamy?” Jasper asked.
“He’s alive at the moment,” Clarke said and Jasper put a reassuring arm on her shoulder. “I need a progress report. I couldn’t ask downstairs because we were getting ready to start on Bellamy, but what happened?”
“No one saw us take him, he was chained up in the cave the entire time and thanks to the storm we didn’t see a soul on the way back,” Miller explained.
“Miller, show her what we found in his things,” Jasper instructed him and Miller got out the notebook that the grounder had. Finn chose that moment to come down and saw what they were doing.
“What in the world is this? His people will come after us you know?” Finn insisted.
“His people are already killing us and they are keeping a watchful eye on us,” Miller said showing them the page with the tally marks.
“Is that?” Clarke asked.
“The number of people that have died from our camp, yeah it is,” Jasper responded.
“Have you gotten anything from him?” Clarke inquired.
“Just that this book is important to him. He started thrashing when we found it,” Jasper told her.
“Clarke, come on- you have to stop this,” Finn pleaded.
“Finn look at this,” she said, showing him the page, “his people are killing us and they won’t stop. How many more people have to die for you to get it?! This is a just a battle in a war.”
“Now you’re sounding like Bellamy, is that his train of thought our yours? We’re not soldiers Clarke!”
“You’d be surprised how often Bellamy has the right idea, but no this didn’t come from him, this came from me and from what I’ve seen,” Clarke stated, and she had seen a lot, especially in the last few days.
“Look at him! We can’t win!” Finn exclaimed.
“You’re right, we can’t, if we don’t fight back,” Clarke commented and a panicked Raven from downstairs interrupted Finn’s response.
“Clarke! He’s seizing!”
“On my way,” Clarke responded, hurrying down the stairs with Finn right behind her. Once they were gone Miller closed the latch.
Clarke hurried down the stairs to see Bellamy thrashing about on the table.
“He was fine and then suddenly he just started seizing,” Raven responded.
“Get my mother on the radio!” she screamed going towards Bellamy.
“It’s dead! Interference from the storm,” Raven cried.
“You can’t die on me you hear me, I won’t let you,” Clarke muttered and after a few minutes he stopped seizing. “Help me get him on his side, there’s fluid in his lungs- he could choke!”
Wells and Finn quickly moved Bellamy to his side.
“Fluid in his lungs? Was it the knife?” Finn asked.
“This is something else, I don’t understand it, I did everything right.”
“Clarke, just think it through. You can’t fall apart right now, he needs you,” Wells commanded.
“Right…Think it through, wait I’ve seen this before…”
“You have?” Raven wondered.
“Shortness of breath, fever, seizing…It’s poison!”
“How? We sterilized everything!” Raven exclaimed.
She walked over and grabbed the knife then looked at the three, “Stay here- tell me if he worsens. I’m going to get my fucking answers,” she bit out as she climbed up the stairs again. She was in the second floor when O came up to her.
“They locked the hatch.”
“I’ll make them unlock it.”
She reached the hatch and started pounding on it. A minute later the hatch was opened.
“Get out of my way Connor NOW!” Instead of getting in her way he just helped her up and she marched up to the grounder.
“What is on this?!” she interrogated.
“What are you talking about?” Jasper asked.
“He poisoned the blade! All this time he knew Bellamy would die no matter what we did!” she told them and then turned to the grounder again and screamed. “What is it? Is there an antidote?”
“Clarke, he doesn’t understand you!” Octavia told her.
“The vials!” Miller exclaimed and ran towards them. Clarke dropped the knife and went with him.
“He’d have to be stupid to have a poison around this long without an antidote.”
“Clarke, this isn’t you!” Octavia said, stopping her in her tracks.
“Octavia get out of my way,” Clarke stated as Jasper pulled Octavia away.
“Which one is it?” Clarke asked.
“Answer the question!” Miller exclaimed.
“Show us please!” Octavia pleaded
“Which one! He’s dying down there, you can stop that,” Clarke pleaded, then looked at Jasper and Miller.
“I’ll get him to talk,” Jasper commanded, surprising everyone in the room because up till now Miller had been the one doing the torturing.
“Jas no!” Octavia grabbed him.
“He wants Bellamy to die! Why can’t you see that?” Jasper wondered and then looked at Clarke. “Do you want him to live or not.”
“Clarke, don’t. Come on, this is not who we are!” Octavia pleaded. “He was protecting me- he saved my life!”
“Your life? What about my life? He was going to kill me. You seem to have forgotten that I got taken too and I obviously did not get the same treatment you did. If we’re talking about life right now- what about Bellamy’s life? You know your brother, this monster wants him to die. Are you seriously defending him over your own flesh and blood?” Clarke exclaimed and everyone got quiet then she turned to Jasper.
“Just tell us!” Octavia exclaimed at the grounder, but was held back by Connor and Mick. Miller cut up the seatbelt and handed it to Jasper, who in turn cut the grounder’s shirt off.
“You’re going to show us the antidote or you’ll wish you had,” Miller told him.
“Jasper don’t please..” Octavia pleaded, but Jasper just looked down before striking the grounder. He hit him once more before Clarke kneeled in front of the grounder with the vials.
“Please which one is it?” Clarke pleaded.
“Just tell them the antidote,” Octavia said.
Clarke just stood there for a moment before she begged again.
“Please just tell us,” her voice cracking a bit at the end. She was losing him, she was losing her Bellamy and there was nothing she could do. She felt so helpless, so weak. Miller put a hand on her shoulder and helped her up. They moved to the side and then Jasper struck the grounder again and again.
“Are you insane?” Kane asked once Jaha was back in his quarters.
“What is it now Kane?”
“Diana Sydney is taking Abby’s spot in the council? Have you gone brain dead Thelonious?” Kane exclaimed.
“Diana is a good match for the council and she’ll be able to bring unity.”
“Diana Sydney?? You do remember the reason she was voted off the council right? Don’t fall for her act Thelonious! Because that’s what it is, an act.”
“People can change Marcus.”
“Not Diana Sydney! It’s like you’ve forgotten who we’re dealing with her- she’s evil to the core.”
“What qualifies you to make such an assessment?”
“I know her, I’ve seen her in action and I’ve heard rumors.”
“Oh rumors, pray tell from who?” Jaha remarked.
“You know from who,” Kane stated.
“Right, so the known mob boss is more trustworthy than Diana?” Jaha asked condescendingly.
“Don’t do that. You know as well as I do that he has eyes and ears everywhere.”
“Do I? Well if I did it wouldn’t be wise of me to admit to it as I am the chancellor.”
“Don’t play dumb with me Thelonious.”
“I’m not playing anything and this conversation is over,” Jaha said, leaving no room for argument. Kane stormed out, he needed to find a way to protect those he cared about from that woman.
Strike Strike Strike
“Enough!” Octavia screamed. She couldn’t bear to see this anymore. It wasn’t just about hurting the grounder- sure she cared because he had saved her and he was a human being and didn’t deserve to be treated like this. It was more that she hated to see the people she cared about sullying their hands with something like this.
“He’s getting worse!” Raven shouted from below.
“We are running out of time! Please! Just tell us which one! If you tell us they will stop I’ll make them stop…please tell us which is the antidote and they’ll stop this,” Clarke pleaded, but nothing- not even a peep.
She changed her tone of voice, her Mr. Bond was dying and the person who could stop it was not saying anything.
“Please, he’s my life. I can’t…I can’t go on without him. He’s my past, my present, and my future, please don’t take him away from me. I need him,” she cried, a few tears coming out. Jasper helped her stand up and hugged her, dropping the seatbelt and nodding towards Miller.
“Since that isn’t working out you’ll get to deal with me next,” Miller said as he picked up a screw that’s been sharpened into a shiv, and then turned to Clarke “You don’t have to be here for this.”
She wiped her tears and squeezed Jasper’s hand.
“I’m not leaving until I get that antidote,” she told them, looking the grounder straight in the eye as Jasper hugged her tighter.
“Last chance,” Miller whispered as he pushed the shiv into his hand. Everyone looked away except Clarke; she was going to look this asshole in the eye until he gave her that antidote. It’s the least she could do.
“What’s taking so long?” Raven said reaching them. “Clarke he stopped breathing.”
“What?” Clarke exclaimed and the only reason she remained steady was because Jasper was holding on to her.
“He started again, but next time he might not be so lucky,” Raven warned her, and Clarke’s world fell apart with that word. Lucky that was the word her mother had used to describe him earlier. Where was that luck now? Where was that luck when they needed it the most?
“He’s not saying anything,” Jasper told Raven, “We’ve tried pretty much everything.”
“Not everything,” she stated.
She wasn’t a big fan of Bellamy Blake, but Clarke had been nothing but good to her, except for that moment where she had threatened Raven’s life but let’s face it, if Clarke had been the one holding a knife to Finn, Raven would have done the same thing. She had seen Clarke’s demeanor deteriorate as the night passed and all she wanted to do was help her friend. This was something she could do to help, she was not letting him die. Not on her watch.
“What are you doing?” Miller asked as Raven walked to one of the walls.
“Showing you something new.” She said taking the cables from the wall and showing them to the grounder. He started trying to back away as she came closer.
“Oh it’s not me you have to worry about,” she said as she looked at Clarke who nodded.
Clarke untangled herself from Jasper and grabbed the cables from Raven. He was going to regret ever sticking a knife into her Bellamy. She struck him with the cables and the grounder let out his first screams of the night.
“Which one is it? Come on!”
Most of the people in the upstairs floor of the dropship looked shocked at the display of anger coming from a Clarke, who had been almost falling apart a minute earlier.
“He’s my entire world! YOU HAVE TO TELL US,” she said as she struck him again and again, his screams being the only sound in the room. This was mostly for Bellamy yes, but it was also for her. He had shaken her faith in the world, made her think she wasn’t going to see her loved ones again, and if Bellamy died because of him, she was going to be completely broken. Jasper and Miller looked at each other and knew what they had to do. If they let her go on she was going to kill him, and they couldn’t let her have that on her conscience.
Octavia was at a loss about what she had to do. Her brother was dying. He was actually dying and her best friend was close to murdering someone. That’s when she grabbed the poisoned knife, kicking herself for not having thought of it before.
“No more!” she exclaimed.
“He’s letting Bellamy die!” Clarke cried out as Jasper took her away from the grounder and Miller took the cables from her. Octavia stuck the knife into her arm and drew blood, causing the grounder to trash around.
“He won’t let me die,” Octavia stated with tears in her eyes and she kneeled in front of the grounder. She kept pointing at the vials with her knife, until he let her know with his head which one it was. She gave it to Clarke, who thanked her as she and Raven went downstairs as fast as they could. Jasper went to hug Octavia but she slapped his hand away and he recoiled.
They had him covered up with a blanket when Clarke lifted his mouth and gave him the antidote.
“How do we know if it works?” Raven asked softly.
“We’ll know if…when he wakes up,” Clarke said softly and then turned to Raven and Wells, “do you mind?”
Wells just nodded as he and Raven went upstairs with the rest of the 100, leaving Clarke with the unconscious Bellamy. That’s when she completely fell apart, no pretense needed anymore. She couldn’t be strong without him, he was her rock, her everything. Even when they were apart she felt safe because she knew he was there, that no matter what happened between them he would always be there to catch her. It wasn’t until today that she realized how fragile that could be, how fragile he could be. The weight of her actions was beginning to get to her and she looked at her hands not believing what she had done. She was a mess, and she needed Bellamy to wake up. Nothing else mattered.
“Don’t leave me alone in this world.” She whispered.
She heard her mother’s voice in the radio and knew she had to at least give the appearance of composure.
“Clarke can you hear me?”
“The uh,h the storm is passing..” Clarke just smiled a self-deprecating smile… the storm was passing yeah; she guessed that was one way to say it. Maybe the literal storm was passing but she had a feeling the other was just beginning.
“How’s Bellamy doing?”
“What? How do you?” Clarke wondered. How did her mother know it was Bellamy?
“You wouldn’t tell me who it was, you kept mentioning him as him so I knew the only person who could get you like this was Bellamy,” Abby told her, thinking it better she didn’t know Wells and Raven confirmed her suspicions.
“So now you care? We dated for over a year and just now you care? You never even wanted to meet him. How did you think that made me feel?”
“Clarke please, how is he?”
“I think he’ll be okay,” she said with as much fake confidence as she could muster.
“Well that’s thanks to you. I’m so proud of you, and your father would be so proud of you too,” Abby said.
Clarke was just torn apart, she had no right to speak about her father, not when she was the one who had taken him away from her. She had gotten him floated, and had gotten Clarke arrested. She lost her father and she almost lost Bellamy and Octavia because of her. She walked towards the radio and spoke.
“Don’t talk about him.”
“Clarke? Baby I know something else is wrong. Please tell me what it is.”
“Dad’s dead because of you, you turned him in I know it. Wells told me everything,” she, cried all traces of composure gone. “He let me believe that he did it, so I’d hate him instead of you.”
“Clarke…” Abby stopped to wipe away the tears, “Clarke I want you to listen to me. That was never supposed to happen. Jaha was supposed to talk him out of it.”
“I’m done talking to you!” she screamed and the radio went back to being static. She walked over to Bellamy and let it all out, letting her tears hit his bare chest.
Kane was standing in front of Abby’s home when he thought back on his earlier conversation with his mother.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Marcus whispered, his emotions getting the better of him.
“You’re my son,” Vera told him.
“I’ve done some terrible things,” he admitted.
“God will forgive you Marcus. The question is, will you be able to forgive yourself?” she told him, truthfully and hugged him.
“Kane what are you doing here?” Abby asked as she opened the door.
“Can I come in?” Kane asked.
“Yeah come in,” Abby said as he walked in and she closed the door behind him. They walked toward the table that contained some actual alcohol.
“Trying the hard stuff huh?”
“I got home and a few minutes later a delivery came- something tells me daddy dearest heard all about my drama.”
“Knowing him, probably.”
“I’m not one to let a perfectly good bottle go to waste, especially after the day I had. Want some?”
“Don’t mind if I do,” he said as he accepted the drink. “Scotch- that is really something.”
“Definitely,” she said as she took a long drink. “So what are you doing here?”
“Came to see if you were okay…and to warn you about something.”
“You care if I’m okay?” Abby muttered.
“You were my best friend once upon a time. I just got power hungry and fucked it all up.”
“It can happen to the best of us. I trusted Jaha to convince Jake and all I got is a dead husband and a daughter who hates me.”
“She found out?”
“That it was me who told on Jake? Yeah she did,” she said, looking at her hands and Kane just filled up her glass.
“I guess we’re just two murderers just hanging on.”
“You’re not…” Abby tried, but he didn’t let her continue.
“I was too stuck on my ideas that I didn’t see the truth. You tried to convince me many times over and I ignored you, maybe if I hadn’t they would still be alive.”
“Maybe, maybe not, I think that even if you had been on this side of things it wouldn’t have mattered, those people chose to make the sacrifice. We have to honor that.”
“So how were things with Clarke- other than the obvious.”
“I helped my daughter save the life of the man that shot Thelonious.”
“Bellamy Blake?” Kane wondered.
“Yeah, I remember thinking the name sounded familiar when you told me he had shot Jaha, but it wasn’t till I reached Clarke’s cell that I realized why.”
“Why was it?”
“He was the cadet she was dating, the one Jake always wanted me to meet but I always had one excuse or another. It’s not that I didn’t like the guy, I just didn’t want to meet him. I just kept thinking about all the problems that could arise when word got out that she was with someone from a lower class.”
“Were you ashamed of it?”
“No- that’s the kicker. I didn’t really mind it. I just was worried about what people might say to her, and I was worried that he might not be able to give her the life she was used to,” Abby admitted.
“So you never met him?”
“No, I didn’t. Jackson knew him from the few times he had picked up Clarke from her apprenticeship. Jake couldn’t stop singing his praises, but I never made the effort. Then Jake got floated, Clarke got arrested, and everything changed. The next time I heard his name was when you told me he had shot Jaha.”
“That must have been tough to realize.”
“I had my suspicions that it was him but it was only once Clarke was away from the radio that I was able to ask Raven and Wells, and well they just confirmed my suspicions. The love of my daughter’s life was on his deathbed today and she had to save him. And I just kept thinking how hard it must have been for her.”
“He’s okay now, right?”
“Apparently…I asked Clarke about it and she basically spit it back in my face that I had never cared about him before so I had no right to now and all that led to the talk about Jake.”
“I’m sorry, Abby.”
“I made my bed, I have to sleep in it,” Abby replied. “But what did you want to warn me about.”
“Thelonious, the idiot, gave your seat in the council to Diana Sydney.”
“What? Does he realize she was voted off for a reason?”
“I don’t think he cares. He’s bought into her bullshit that she’s changed and that she wants unity, but I don’t believe it for one second.”
“Neither do I.”
“Now that you brought up Blake, I have to say I’ve always thought it was strange, shooting the chancellor the day the ship launched? How did he even know about it? He was a janitor.”
“Maybe someone told him.”
“That’s been my latest thought as well, and I’m pretty sure whoever it was answers to Diana Sydney.”
“You just need to prove it,” Abby pointed out and she had to admit his idea was not far-fetched. From what Jake had always said Bellamy didn’t seem like a cold-blooded killer, so someone had to have put him up to it.
“You think I could get the guy to talk to me?” Kane wondered.
“You’d have to ask Clarke about that yourself, remember she’s not exactly talking to me right now,” Abby told him and he nodded, finishing up his drink.
“Where are you going?”
“Taking some preemptive measures. I’ll tell you about it later if it works.”
Clarke removed the shiv and was trying to clean the grounder’s wound but he kept moving away.
“I have to clean it.”
“Here let me try,” Octavia said, taking the rag from Clarke.
“We did what we had to do, you know that,” Jasper whispered.
“I just wanted to save Bellamy.”
“For the record, you didn’t save my brother, that was me, but whatever you want to tell yourself to feel better,” Octavia bit out and Clarke recoiled as though she had been struck. She went back down silently. Jasper looked at Octavia like he couldn’t believe her as Miller came up.
“You’re not supposed to be here- let’s go,” Miller told her then turned to Jasper. “Can you make sure she comes down?”
“I don’t really care what she does- not anymore. After all, remember we are the monsters that hurt her poor defenseless grounder,” Jasper bit out and Octavia was surprised at how much contempt there was in his voice. She had never heard Jasper speak like that, especially towards her. She turned to look at him, shocked, but he just went downstairs without a word to her.
“That’s two of your closest friends being hurt by you in a manner of seconds- I think that’s a new record,” Miller remarked tagging the rag from her. “Now go.”
She went downstairs and he stayed there keeping watch.
It was already morning again and she could hear the workers outside trying to clean up from the storm. Clarke was pacing around the floor. He should have woken up by now, why hadn’t he woken up? What if something else was wrong? What if he died on her?
“You’re going to make a hole in the ground princess,” Bellamy whispered in a cracked voice.
“Hey you,” she said, coming up to him.
“There’s my princess,” Bellamy said as she started crying and passed him a glass of water.
“Hey don’t do that, what’s wrong?” Bellamy asked after drinking some water.
“I almost lost you. I came this close to losing you twice in 24 hours. First because I thought I was going to die, and then because you almost died. Bell you were so close,” Clarke whispered. He moved a bit to give her a hug, which she gladly returned. It was nice to feel him arms around her again.
“You shouldn’t be moving.”
“It’s okay if my doctor cleared it,” he joked but laid back down. “That was a good save.”
“It wasn’t just me,” she muttered, remembering Octavia’s remarks and started fiddling around with the bloody shiv. “You were poisoned and he wouldn’t tell us what the antidote was. I almost killed him- I wanted to kill him. I’m a monster.”
“Hey no, don’t do that, don’t go to that place,” he said, sitting up, ignoring her pleas not to do so.
“Look at me,” he said and she looked into his eyes. “You’re no monster, you’re my princess my beautiful, loving, jaded princess.”
“It’s all a mess Bell, everything is a mess,” she said then he took the bloody shiv from her hands.
“Clarke, who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things,” Bellamy stated and she leaned in and kissed him, slow and loving. She could do anything if she had him; she wasn’t going to come this close to losing him again, not in this lifetime.
They were so enthralled in each other that they didn’t realize Octavia had come downstairs and was looking in at them. She stayed there for a second and then continued on her path to look for Jasper.
Jasper was taking a break from cleaning, or well, more like a mandatory break enforced by Raven and Clarke. They told him he should get some shuteye but every time he did he was confronted by the images of the past night. Finding Clarke, Bellamy getting stabbed, capturing the grounder, torturing the grounder. His own hands had tortured a person; he never thought he could be capable of something like that. It seems earth really did have the power to turn your world upside down. And Clarke, it had scared him to his wits to see Clarke so broken. She was one of his best friends and she was usually so strong. To see her like that had been terrifying. He didn’t even want to consider what would have happened if Bellamy had died.
Then Octavia’s comments and her actions- he was hurt and he was pissed. He probably had no right to be pissed because she didn’t owe him a thing, but her attitude just blew him out of the water. Her brother was dying and her best friend was barely holding on and she kept defending her captor? There was a bit of movement and he saw Octavia come into his tent. Speak of the devil and all that. Normally this would have been a dream come true; right now she was the last person he wanted to see.
“Can we talk?” she asked softly.
“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”
“You could try to explain why you suddenly hate me?”
“Hate you? God Octavia, my life would be so much easier if I could hate you. I severely dislike you at the moment and I can’t believe I felt guilty before, but I could never hate you.”
“Then what is the problem?” Octavia wondered, also what did feel guilty about?
“Are you seriously asking me that? Did you miss your actions during the entire night?”
“You guys were torturing him! That wasn’t right!” Octavia exclaimed.
“WE KNOW! You think Miller, Raven, Clarke and I don’t realize that? It’s pretty clear to all of us that what we were doing was despicable but there was no other alternative.”
“There were other alternatives.”
“Like what? He wanted your brother to die- what part of that aren’t you getting! You know your brother right? Bellamy? The guy who shot the chancellor so you wouldn’t be alone in this planet?”
“ You think I don’t know how close my brother was to dying?”
“Well you seemed to be caring a lot more about some stupid grounder than about your brother.”
“Because I couldn’t afford to fall apart so I blocked it out, okay!”
“Well you blocked it way too well. Honestly, we were beginning to wonder if you cared at all, all you seemed to care about was that grounder because he “saved” you,” he told her using air quotes around the word saved.
“Do you guys really think I cared more about him than about you?” she asked, sitting down on his makeshift bed.
“Well that’s what your actions were telling us. Maybe we read them wrong because of the tension, but we couldn’t understand how you could defend the guy who wanted and almost killed your brother,” he muttered.
“I was worried about you guys,” she murmured.
“It wasn’t the grounder, it was that I was worried about what you all were doing. I didn’t want you guys to have that on your conscience.”
“Maybe you needed to make that clearer, because here especially things get lost in translation.”
“He did save me though,” she whispered.
“Maybe he did, but did you ever think about what your comments were doing to Clarke?” he asked, sitting down next to her.
“What do you mean?” Octavia asked. That wasn’t the first time someone had made a comment like that recently and she was at a loss as to what that meant.
“What was your experience in the kidnapping?”
“I woke up in a cave. I was scared, and my leg was twisted and he fixed it. I was knocked out again, woke up, and found my way outside. I was almost struck by the arrow that hit Roma but he’d grabbed me beforehand and saved my life- that’s when you guys found me and you know the rest.”
“Clarke’s experience was definitely different,” Jasper told her. “I mean I don’t know the details; I just know what we saw when we entered the cave.”
“Just tell me.”
“She looked so scared Octavia, we walked inside to see the grounder unconscious in front of her while she was shackled to a wall.”
“Yeah, she was shackled to the wall. Bellamy was the first to enter and see her and she asked him if she was dreaming, can you imagine that? She didn’t believe we were there. Your brother got her free and she hugged him and as much as she tried to hide it, she was crying,” he said looking at his hands. “She whispered something to him and then she asked if you were okay.”
“Yeah, and then she hugged us- she looked so relieved… Bellamy was going to kill the grounder but she pleaded with him so he didn’t. We were basically out of the cave when he looked back and that’s when the grounder stuck the knife in.”
“I hadn’t thought of that- I thought Bellamy had attacked him, knowing him.”
“Nope, we were leaving and he just attacked. We knocked him out and chained him up and Clarke was freaking out. All she managed to say was that we had to leave the knife in.”
“It’s like she was in a catatonic state- like she was walking with us but her mind was someplace else. She kept moving because Wells was helping her.”
“I’m going to have to apologize to her aren’t I?”
“She is your best friend. I just would wait a bit, it’s probably best.”
“Earlier you said you felt guilty, what were you talking about?”
“Oh that,” he murmured.
“I felt guilty that you had run out…I mean it was my fault, I freaked you out when I told you, well what I told you,” Jasper said, getting up from the makeshift bed and turning his back to her. “If I hadn’t…If I hadn’t made things weird you wouldn’t have run out and Clarke wouldn’t have run after you. Bellamy and Clarke would be all annoyingly couple-y and they would be okay. This whole thing with the grounder wouldn’t have happened and it’s all on me.”
“What…Jas no,” Octavia whispered. She didn’t realize he felt this way. She stood up and walked over to him. “Look me Jas.”
“Why?” he muttered, not looking up. She grabbed his face and lifted it up.
“So that I can tell you how things really are. I was reckless and I ran out of there- that’s on me not on you. And everything that happened afterwards? Jasper-you ventured into what could be considered hell, you are a hero.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are, you’re my hero,” Octavia muttered quietly. “Do you know who were the three people I thought of when I was kidnapped?”
He shook his head no.
“Bellamy and Clarke.”
“Well yeah, but I said three people. You were that third person, Jasper.”
“And when you guys just sent me back here with just that idiot Mick, and I had nothing to do but worry about Bellamy, about Clarke, about you… Let me tell you that was not easy!” she started pounding on his chest.
“Then you’re back and my brother is hurt, but Clarke is mostly physically unscathed and you’re also safe but you leave again. And the doors are closing and there’s still no sign of you! My brother is dying and my best friend is falling apart but I was worried about your stupid ass instead of them,” Octavia screamed out and Jasper decided it was now or never, there’s an 80% chance he would get punched for this but he had to do it, at least to stop her from creating a bruise in his chest from her pounding. “Then you’re doing that stupid torturing thing which basically created an even bigger target on your back and what we’re you thinking?”
Jasper’s lips on hers interrupted Octavia’s rant. She was surprised at the beginning, but quickly kissed back eagerly. They kept on kissing and Octavia felt like was in heaven. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled into the kiss. Jasper was kissing Octavia, he was actually kissing her and she was kissing him back. He kind of wanted to pinch himself but didn’t want to break the moment. About a minute later they separated but remained close.
“What was that?” Octavia whispered.
“I figured if I didn’t try it I’d regret it, and you looked really cute rambling.”
“Idiot,” Octavia laughed, playfully slapping him.
“Will I break the moment if I ask what that meant?”
“It means I like you…I remember feeling horrible when you almost died on us and this time not knowing what had happened was killing me and I just wanted to hug you or punch you for making me worry about you.”
“Hey, I’ll take it.”
“What now?” Octavia wondered. She was horribly new at this relationship thing and she had no idea what the next step was.
“Well, Miss Blake, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?”
“We’re in the middle of what seems to be a warzone, the grounders may come any minute, and all that surrounds us are woods.”
“You haven’t answered my question,” he laughed.
“Come on, where would we even go on a date? I don’t think there’s a place for dinner and a movie.”
“I will think of something, don’t worry.”
“It seems a bit impractical, is all.”
“Miss Blake, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?” Jasper tried again.
“I’d be honored, Mr. Jordan,” Octavia said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
“Okay good,” Jasper blushed.
It was dark in the control room; Sinclair was working on something with his apprentice Wick when Kane showed up. They walked silently towards one of the soundproof rooms and closed the door. This room had neither audio nor any visuals and the sound stayed in the room- it was the best for what was needed.
“You want to tell me the reason for you calling this meeting?” Sinclair asked.
“Can he be trusted, and by that I mean really, swear to God trusted?” Kane asked, pointing at Wick.
“Yes he can,” Sinclair told him.
“What I say doesn’t leave this room, no one but the three of us will know this. Understood?”
“Understood Councilman Kane,” Wick said, speaking up.
“I have reason to believe a certain individual is planning a mutiny. I need to know if there’s any way we can prepare the Ark in case of a worst case scenario.”
“What exactly are you talking about?”
“I need to find a way to make it so the most people possible survive the trip to the ground,” Kane told him.
“What about the exodus ships?” Wick asked.
“There’s not enough,” Sinclair answered.
“If we want to save most of the people what about bringing the ark down?” Wick wondered.
“That would probably be mostly deadly and should be a last resort,” Sinclair added.
“Okay, you two do research and we’ll talk later, let no one know this happened, let no one know you are investigating this,” Kane replied and left the control room. This could either go well or end tragically; he just hoped it was the former.
AN: Wow that finally ended (Recurring joke from my tumblr where I mentioned this chapter didn’t want to end hehehe)
Hope you guys liked it though! Remember to leave a review!